God I know You can do anything. I know You see everything. Last night was the furthest You have stretched me spiritually to date. Honestly God, it scared me and excited me. I am asking You God to please Move a Mountain.
My son and daughter got into it last night. No worse that any other sibling spat that they have had in the past, but this one effected him (my son) different from any other prior. That led him to some questions/decisions that I am not sure were real or provoking. After about a half hour of alone time I called him to me and he told me he didn’t believe in God.
My son is a strong-minded kid and like me, likes proof and evidence of things. I think he is really wrestling with the concept of Faith. We talked for a couple of hours last night. I mean really talked. I shared some of my past with him, sooner than I anticipated or wanted to, but felt it necessary to help establish that “foundation”. He heard some of the horribly sinful things I did prior to meeting his mother. Drugs, alcohol, violence, he only heard glimpses of the past I came from, I don’t think he is mature enough or ready for full disclosure. He heard about my “suicide moment”. He listened intently with some good timely questions about how my change happened. Then after some reflection he asked, “what makes that God changing you daddy”? “How do you know you just didn’t do it yourself”?
That led to more stories of the sinful areas of my life where I tried to change, but could never break free of the “chain” around my ankle. Something always sounded better, looked better, tasted better, or made me feel better, and back to the “old me” I would go. I explained that not until after my “suicide moment” did I get it. I could not change without God. I explained that my transformation took time. I didn’t become a new person overnight, as a matter of fact, God is still working on me and I don’t know if I’ll ever be done.
Sometimes my son blows me away with his maturity and headiness. He then asked “is that why you think your head hurts all the time?” I told him yes I do believe that. I believe that God allows me to accomplish things that people who know I’m injured think I shouldn’t be able to do. It allows me to give Glory to God. Without Him, I would take credit and fall back to the “old Dan”. I compared it to Paul’s story in 2 Corinthians 12:1-10. I told him trust me son , you don’t want to know that guy before I met your mother, and you would definitely not like that guy.
We talked more about some bible stories that displayed amazing faith like Abraham ready to take his son’s life for God, but God stopped him because of his faith. We talked and looked up several bible stories about faith and trust in God.
Then my son got real quiet for a moment and told me, “daddy, I will keep an open mind this week”. (It was as if he thought about it for a minute or two, internalized it and came to the decision that, “hey maybe this God stuff is real”). “I am now a little excited to go tomorrow daddy”. Through discussion my son promised, “I will participate in worship and small group time and look for ways where God is proving Himself to me”.
Before we walked back into the house, he turned around, gave me one of the biggest and best hugs I have ever gotten in my life and said, “thanks, love you daddy”.
For me, I am counting this one as a win!